Sadly, not all relationships are healthy, nor do we get to choose the kinds of relationships that surround us when we are children. Many people have what seems like a daunting task in trying to come to terms with abuse. In fact, findings across numerous studies reveal that a minimum of 30% of women and more than 15% of all men have experienced behavior that can be defined as sexual abuse before they have reached age 18. There are other kinds of abuse that are more common however: verbal and emotional abuse, physical abuse, and intimate partner abuse. Some individuals who have not been abused have witnessed abuse of a parent or sibling. Others may have been started down a path from which it is very difficult to break away. Abuse is often difficult to resolve and can influence how we form and maintain relationships with our significant others.

Abuse can be misunderstood, even by its victims.  Some common forms of abuse include:

Family Violence

Family violence involves an assault of any kind—verbal, physical, emotional, sexual, or active or passive neglect—that is committed by one person or persons against another within a family, whether they are married, related, living together or apart, or divorced. Current international research indicates that family violence is a global problem. It occurs between individuals of all ages and nationalities, at all socioeconomic levels, and in families from all types of religious and non-religious backgrounds. The overall rate of incidence has been found to be similar for city, suburban, and rural communities.

Sexual Violence

Sexual abusers may be men or women and may be of any age, nationality, or socio-economic background. They are often men who are married with children, have respectable jobs, and may be regular churchgoers. It is common for offenders to strongly deny their abusive behavior, to refuse to see their actions as a problem, and to rationalize their behavior or place blame on something or someone else. While it is true that many abusers exhibit deeply rooted insecurities and low self-esteem, these problems should never be accepted as an excuse for sexually abusing anyone. Most authorities agree that the real issue in sexual abuse is related to a desire for power and control than for sex.

Resources:

If you, or someone you love is being abused by their intimate partner or spouse, you may call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (TDD for the Hearing Impaired: 800-787-3224.

Other local resources are also available for more information and as safe havens from partner abuse:           

Option House (San Bernardino) (909) 386-1647
                        Alternatives to Domestic Violence (Riverside) (800) 339-SAFE
House of Ruth (Claremont) (909) 988-5559 http://www.houseofruthinc.org/  Includes information about partner violence.

The Adult Survivor of Sexual Abuse website at http://www.ascasupport.org/manual.php provides a downloadable Survivor to Thriver Manual. This document gives readers information about the recovery process and how to build on personal strengths.

The California Courts Self-Help Center may also be of help if you are in a troubled relationship. This is an interactive website that provides resources for individuals in abusiv relationships. http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/protection/